your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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