we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
vagina is talking i cant
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
