Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
