Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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