The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize