Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
