apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
