are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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