My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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