I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
