Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
