last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I supernannyed him into submission
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
