He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
