i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
