then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
