I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
