The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Randomize
