"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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