We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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