If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
