You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
