3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
