Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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