I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
