hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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