there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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