is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
you never un-have a 4some
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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