Me. At least after what I've been through.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
