I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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