i need an iv and a liver transplant
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
