Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
