I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
