Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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