A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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