NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
