Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
