Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
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well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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