All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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