If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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