i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
