she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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