Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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