The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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