I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
