he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
