Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Dicks are not precious.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
