He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
