i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
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Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
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"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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