you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
