It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
