i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
