put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
