Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
