i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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