I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
