dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
