Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
