32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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