I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Are my feet made of real feet?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
