i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
