My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just googled if crying burns calories
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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