last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
