Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
