really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
