when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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