Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
