he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize