yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
