oh god the rape fog is back!
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
dude. I can hear the air.
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