When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
