M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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