Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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