Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
