do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
