HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
