You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Is Oprah even human
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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