you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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